A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
