Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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