I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
