I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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