He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
