You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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