I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
