Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
