So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
