And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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