well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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