dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I need water and some morals
Randomize
