I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize