ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
