Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize