Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
