Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we made out on top of his cat.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
