Acid is not a monday night drug
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
