ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I need a beard to bite.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
