Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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