dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
