I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
