Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize