you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
