Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
