just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize