In the future we'll all be gay
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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