Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
