I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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