Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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