# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize