can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
