You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
