His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
