Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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