A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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