Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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