I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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