Its about making memories worth repressing
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
