I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
