So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
