My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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