you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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