Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
