Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
