i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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