is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
