Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
