Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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