gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
