his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize