I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
