just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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