so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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