yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize