sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
