Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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