Don't you send me to vm
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
