That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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