it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
