They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
