who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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