I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
