I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
