I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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