Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize