I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
