i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
