All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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