Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I need water and some morals
Randomize
