You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
