Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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