I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize