you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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