I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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